Doing laundry and sitting in the “rain” talking the night away
A little bit of this and that… three people I see this time…What do do/say about this, this time, a conversation with a really good friend on subjects quite hard to speak of…I don’t know why but life seems to be going so fast that all the little and even the big hurts just get pushed aside. I thought about it the other night when I was avoiding homework. I’m pretty good at compartmentalizing and pushing it all aside.
Another week goes by…. And I was thinking about an article I read…. for my Design with Light class and someone said something like ‘sight is how and what we use to distance ourselves and touch is what brings us together’.
Profound isn’t it? … I don’t know what I want; only I really do. Know what I want that is…. It’s really quite simple really, I want to live somewhere I’ve created, or at least modified to my tastes, in a town like Tulsa, no, not one like it, I want to be there, I want to own my own company and have a gallery too, I want to be at my own church and with my family and I want a guy too!
No not just a guy, a man. Someone who knows what he wants, who is intelligent, thoughtful, funny but not goofy, hardworking and caring too, but who can handle the way I talk and my strange sense of humor. I don’t think that this is too much to ask for…
I work hard and I don’t expect others to operate on exactly the same level as me, just because they aren’t me, but when it comes to a guy…. I don’t want to be a harder worker than he is, and that’s that. I won’t go out with a slacker, and please don’t whine about your homework or whatever to me especially when its not that bad and I’m not complaining to you. Now, if I’m complaining, feel free to complain right back or tell me to shut up and get over it, because that’s just how it goes.
I cut my hair, I rearranged…
I even stepped out [of my comfort zone].
I think I must be one of the most confident timid people- if that makes sense at all. I mean, for me it makes all the sense in the world but for the rest of humanity…well, that’s a shot in the dark.
I got motivated and I hung curtains…I went to two different parties two weeks in a row.
I turned down an invitation and was called ‘mean’ but I had several valid reasons not to accept, some voiced and others not.
I got irritated and made a duvet cover… it is a beautiful shade of scarlet with satiny gold pillowcases… I I I Me Me Me...Boy, am I vain!
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Oct 20th
I went out and spent money on groceries… and then I called a friend or two… my brother included and got on the train to have dinner with a friend after wondering what someone else meant. “Hotel Chevalier”…Brings up memories and broken hearts. I think I might have broken his…but he hurt mine too.
I met a friend at the train station but we were going opposite ways…we met again later and have plans to meet again. Hmmm I wish life was simple and I could just get the guy and have ‘the’ life…not your typical life, but my own version of it…oh well, c’est la vie.
I’m ranting a bit but…I really don’t care that much. I was supposed to go home to Tulsa this weekend to see my brother before they shipped him and his platoon off to a base in Texas to await deployment to Iraq. Needless to say I’m a bit upset and what do I do when I’m upset? I sew. And then I write, or I just bury myself in a book. It’s sort of funny I guess. I do seem to get things done when I’m either angry, irritated or sad/ disappointed, and confused all of which I was at some point or another this weekend.
