Always one foot on the ground

Fidelity

(Shake it up)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart
~Regina Spektor

I think that this song at once breaks and uplifts my heart…is that strange?I don’t know. Maybe it is because I relate to it on a couple of levels.
I am the sort of person who is grounded, in my beliefs, ideals expectations and most prominently in reality sometimes this thinking gets called pessimism but I don’t see it that way, since I am continually hopeful, but it is in this reality that occasionally becomes a hyper-reality. It is hard to explain…

OK, I come from the idea that dating isn’t something that you do flippantly and if you couldn’t potentially spend the rest of your life with that person then you have no business dating them, not to say that you are super-serious the minute you start dating a person (That would be stupid) but that you have the future in mind while you begin spending time and learning about the other person. Time and the quality of time spent with the other person is key. I don’t know… I really don’t think that I am asking for too much…I mean I want to have a friend for life whether I marry them or not.

Someone not too long ago asked what I wanted in a guy, specifically a “Boyfriend” and I told them that I didn’t know exactly, I mean I had all of these ideas floating around, but nothing specific, so I am going to try an articulate the ideas of guys I ‘think’ I would like and then those I’m ‘actually’ drawn to.
I like tall guys, really tall, you know … the ones who walk in the room and everyone knows they are there. Not the really dorky awkward ones, but the other one, the one who knows he’s tall and is fine with it but has enough self reserve not to tower over people with his ego too. You know the saying “tall, dark and handsome”? Well I thought that all those were pretty good for me, give or take the dark, but tall, handsome…now those were required. I thought.
But I have recently realized that I actually seem to be drawn to those less assuming guys who often have more expansive personalities and that are closer in height to my 5’7” I kind of like 6’ or round about. I always 'think' I’m tall, taller than I really am so I like someone who I can see eye to eye with, well with a little looking up on my part…but the eye to eye thing applies to more than just the physical. I like good conversation so for me, it is imperative that the guy can talk, at least to me, and well.

Swarthy - swarth·y adj with a dark and often weather-beaten complexion. I think that this is a good term for the type of guy I seem to like… I Think, well, maybe not quite, but close. I’m seemingly drawn to the compact well- built athletic type…but not too athletic. Body conscious but not to the extreme, one who is comfortable with themselves but has no objection to improvement or pushing themselves a bit further to obtain a goal.

Jeez, I don’t know what I’m saying… Its pretty simple, I want someone who will push me to be better mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally and who won’t mind if I push right back. That whole give/ take thing. I discussed this once, with a friend…the ‘perfect’ guy for me is someone whose passions in life are ones I can share and who won’t mind sharing mine. I say ‘perfect’ with the full and complete knowledge that no person is perfect, the term is used in a literary sense, descriptively. Well this topic is one that could go on indefinitely so I’ll just save it…and come back later

(Aug 15th 2007, When I started writing this, Aug 17th 2007, when I finished)