I was asked for a hug today, and anyone who knows me at all really would read this laugh, and then asked what I did to the offending questioner.
My good friends know that I am a non-affectionate individual, meaning I have a large personal bubble, or that I hate touching.
This sentiment comes with good reason in my own mind, but in the minds of others it seems strange and I come off more than a little harsh and distant. It isn’t as though I don’t like people, well sometimes I don’t, it’s just that touch equals trust and generally that means a very large amount of my trust, which I don’t give away that easily.
It is a bit upsetting even to myself, that it takes me such a long time to be comfortable with people, I don’t really hug much in my own family. I’m the only one who can get out of the whole “group hug” scenario after someone gets upset or whatever, so either way a hug from me seems to be a rare thing and a hot commodity among friends of mine. A few have even conversed about how many hugs I have given compared to the length of time I have known them and other random things like that. I have also had a few friends who thought that the best way to get one of my now infamous hugs was to steal them.
The first debacle occurred one night after I had declined the ‘honor’ of giving the traditional goodbye hug to a couple of my guy friends and after leaving a local Brookside coffee house in Tulsa I was caught between the two of them and given the biggest “bear-hug, sandwich” combo you can ever imagine. This was not fun at all especially since I am not a large person, and me only weighing barely 100 lbs at the time, I was one small individual, albeit I was decently tall, this didn’t help me when I was smashed between two teenage boys who had at least 60 lbs or more, on me. After screaming, kicking and hitting them on the head for a good 2min or longer, they finally let me go, I had kicked them both in the legs and they decided to let me go before I bruised them anymore. Now, even after several years have passed since this incident I am still wary of them every time I see them, together or separate, because they thought it would be quite hilarious if they bestowed me with a “bear-hug” every time they saw me.
This brings me to the second major instance of theft, annoyance, and discomfort of my person. I have a very tall and goofy friend who wondered why I always refrained from sitting too close to other friends of ours at restaurants and the like, so I informed him of my little personality quirk with the help of a few mutual friends who tried, unsuccessfully to make him understand that it wasn’t, normally directed at any one person, but to people in general. Well, one evening I was saying bye to a group of my friends and I gave a hug to a particular friend, and when my other friend noticed this he immediately asked why I wouldn’t ever give him a hug. I told him “no offence, but I’d known the other individual for more than half my life and that we were very close friends” another friend chimed in that she’d known me about the same amount of time and had only received a couple of hugs herself, and it was just how it was, plus she said, it made it all the more special when you actually got one.
Weird, I know, some friends get them sooner than others, it just depends. Anyway, the aforementioned goofy guy friend decided that either way he was going to get a hug, so while I was talking to a friend, and even after being warned against it by numerous individuals, he grabs me from the side and I get swallowed up inside is suit jacket. Did I mention that he is more than a few inches over 6ft and I am not, why is it I am always getting some guy wrapping his arms around me without asking? Not that I don’t like the guy, I just don’t want to go touching someone else without good reason, and him just wanting a hug, just because I generally don’t give them is not good enough for me.
Well, that brings me back to the question asked of me this morning, which I had to turn down. I was actually sorry about that one, because he did ask and he really didn’t understand why I got kind of awkward when I said I don’t really do that sort of thing. Plus, he apparently had a rough couple of weeks and a hard morning, after I said that I told him something, I don’t know and I reached across the table that he had just laid his head on seemingly in frustration and fatigue and kind of patted his shoulder. He actually rolled his eyes at me, gave me a really strange look and said something like “Ooookay, I’m going to go now” or something along those lines.
I know I’m a dork but give me a break, I’m not any stranger than half the other people that you meet every day. Really though, would you rather I just threw myself at you? Or would it be better if I went around hugging people all day? I think not. I may not be the most physically affectionate person out there but I think that I do all right. Plus when it really counts I’m there, I really can’t do much more than that. Hopefully I will get better in the comforting and encouraging department; apparently I’m a little distant.
Ahh, what a tangled webs we weave.
My good friends know that I am a non-affectionate individual, meaning I have a large personal bubble, or that I hate touching.
This sentiment comes with good reason in my own mind, but in the minds of others it seems strange and I come off more than a little harsh and distant. It isn’t as though I don’t like people, well sometimes I don’t, it’s just that touch equals trust and generally that means a very large amount of my trust, which I don’t give away that easily.
It is a bit upsetting even to myself, that it takes me such a long time to be comfortable with people, I don’t really hug much in my own family. I’m the only one who can get out of the whole “group hug” scenario after someone gets upset or whatever, so either way a hug from me seems to be a rare thing and a hot commodity among friends of mine. A few have even conversed about how many hugs I have given compared to the length of time I have known them and other random things like that. I have also had a few friends who thought that the best way to get one of my now infamous hugs was to steal them.
The first debacle occurred one night after I had declined the ‘honor’ of giving the traditional goodbye hug to a couple of my guy friends and after leaving a local Brookside coffee house in Tulsa I was caught between the two of them and given the biggest “bear-hug, sandwich” combo you can ever imagine. This was not fun at all especially since I am not a large person, and me only weighing barely 100 lbs at the time, I was one small individual, albeit I was decently tall, this didn’t help me when I was smashed between two teenage boys who had at least 60 lbs or more, on me. After screaming, kicking and hitting them on the head for a good 2min or longer, they finally let me go, I had kicked them both in the legs and they decided to let me go before I bruised them anymore. Now, even after several years have passed since this incident I am still wary of them every time I see them, together or separate, because they thought it would be quite hilarious if they bestowed me with a “bear-hug” every time they saw me.
This brings me to the second major instance of theft, annoyance, and discomfort of my person. I have a very tall and goofy friend who wondered why I always refrained from sitting too close to other friends of ours at restaurants and the like, so I informed him of my little personality quirk with the help of a few mutual friends who tried, unsuccessfully to make him understand that it wasn’t, normally directed at any one person, but to people in general. Well, one evening I was saying bye to a group of my friends and I gave a hug to a particular friend, and when my other friend noticed this he immediately asked why I wouldn’t ever give him a hug. I told him “no offence, but I’d known the other individual for more than half my life and that we were very close friends” another friend chimed in that she’d known me about the same amount of time and had only received a couple of hugs herself, and it was just how it was, plus she said, it made it all the more special when you actually got one.
Weird, I know, some friends get them sooner than others, it just depends. Anyway, the aforementioned goofy guy friend decided that either way he was going to get a hug, so while I was talking to a friend, and even after being warned against it by numerous individuals, he grabs me from the side and I get swallowed up inside is suit jacket. Did I mention that he is more than a few inches over 6ft and I am not, why is it I am always getting some guy wrapping his arms around me without asking? Not that I don’t like the guy, I just don’t want to go touching someone else without good reason, and him just wanting a hug, just because I generally don’t give them is not good enough for me.
Well, that brings me back to the question asked of me this morning, which I had to turn down. I was actually sorry about that one, because he did ask and he really didn’t understand why I got kind of awkward when I said I don’t really do that sort of thing. Plus, he apparently had a rough couple of weeks and a hard morning, after I said that I told him something, I don’t know and I reached across the table that he had just laid his head on seemingly in frustration and fatigue and kind of patted his shoulder. He actually rolled his eyes at me, gave me a really strange look and said something like “Ooookay, I’m going to go now” or something along those lines.
I know I’m a dork but give me a break, I’m not any stranger than half the other people that you meet every day. Really though, would you rather I just threw myself at you? Or would it be better if I went around hugging people all day? I think not. I may not be the most physically affectionate person out there but I think that I do all right. Plus when it really counts I’m there, I really can’t do much more than that. Hopefully I will get better in the comforting and encouraging department; apparently I’m a little distant.
Ahh, what a tangled webs we weave.
No comments:
Post a Comment