Writing & Relationships

A friend told me the other day that I write a ton for not having any time…well, in answer to that, I explained that writing is what I do to de-stress since I’m not dancing at the moment and since I love writing, I tend to make plenty of time to write, be it a minute here and there between classes or staying up an extra hour at night just to reply to friends and let go of all the things that overtook me throughout the day.
I was talking the other day with Margarite about people and how they relate to each other in different circumstances and methods depending on their personal rapport and relationship. I’m a strange individual. I tend to respond to everyone in a similar manner, which is pretty cynical, sarcastic and dry… sometimes I come off as if I don’t care, and a good portion of the time, I don’t, but this isn’t so good when I actually do care. It’s hard to change this to reflect that feeling.
I think it’s a defense mechanism for me, since I’m not a really touchy-feely person, I’m extremely private in my emotions and their demonstration, especially the physical demonstration of them, I have to be more than comfortable with you to touch at all in any way. I am known for having a very large ‘bubble’ that defines my personal space, and I get nervous and slightly irritated if people invade this space with out express permission.
So if I touch you at all outside of your more formal handshake, then it is a good indication that you are making great strides to making me comfortable with you on a more personal level. I have a number of good friends that I’ve never hugged or anything like that just because… most of my very best friends, I’ve known for 3 or more years while others just clicked. I just wish that someone would make a definite move and ask me something so I can take action and do something, I hate being in that in-between state, where nothing is certain and thing are left unsaid and up in the air, it makes me nervous. I think that people in general make me nervous, because I never know exactly how to react so I just stick with what works.
I suppose that I will try to keep this short, so short, that I’ll keep the rest to myself…