Smiles and Things

Tired
Sore
Fatigued
Slightly overwhelmed

“I know you can be over whelmed and under whelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?”

This, among other things, is what makes me laugh.
Bet you can’t guess what movie that came from.
One of my favorite songs is sung by one of the main characters with a cordless microphone, in the stands of a soccer field being pelted by golf balls.
I can’t really get depressed when I think of something silly like that movie quote or the quirky grin and friendly little punch on the shoulder that I received quite recently.
Smiles abound after an event like that one, I chose a wry little smile with the hint of a question in it for that occurrence and as I walked away I think the smile got bigger. Occasionally, No, most of the time I have a pretty sarcastic smirk, which really seems to work for any number of situations but on the rare occasion that something really impresses me, I have a special smile for that one.
How can I tell? Well certain smiles just feel different when you’re actually smiling. So, next time you smile think about it, how you move, how you feel, think about which muscles in your face are stretching, It’s different for different smiles.

After that…

Hopeful
Patient
Ready
Tired


But now Sleep….

Roads in the Rain

I am ready for something… I’m not quite sure what it is, or where it will be coming from but I feel like I’m on the edge.
Ohhh, I know the feeling…
it’s the feeling you get when you are driving down the back roads with the windows down,the wind starts to blow,
The air thickens, and begins to smell like warm dirt and dry grass as the clouds roll by, the sky darkens… at this point all you can do is pull over, jump out of the car, and stare at the sky as the cool spring rain burst forth to cover you in its cleansing glory.
As the drops fall down faster and faster you run towards the car you’ve wandered from while searching the skies
The closer you get the harder it falls until you jump into the somewhat musty interior and scramble to crank up the windows of your vintage Cutlass.
The fun really begins when you slide down in the vinyl covered seat, crank up the radio, pushing the plastic ivory colored buttons like so many keys on a piano, and stare up through the windshield watching the rain stream down as you listen to songs like “Brandy”, “My girl”, and Otis Redding’s “(sittin’ on) The dock of the bay” alternating between laughter and silence with the friend that sits beside you.

War and it's Compliments

In a note to my friend Jon, I described the dress that I’m going to be wearing in my best friends wedding in April, and he gave me one of the nicest albeit awkward complements in my life.
This one ranks up there with the person who compared me to Alexis Bledel and Audrey Hepburn in the same sentence…and someone else who said that my eyes were amazing and a few others too. Another friend of mine said that I can’t take a compliment. Oh wait! Maybe it was Jon, yeah, it was. He always calls me on my crap.
In any case, here is the compliment that I took from the note he wrote me today [today being Monday the 19th of March]

“How you described that dress it sounds like it will look good on you, I’d definitely like to see it when you get pics.”

Goodness! I just stopped when I read that, it was so nice, and kind of funny, because Jon is kind of a ‘tough guy’ quiet about most things but seemingly loud and annoying from afar, amazingly sensitive and caring but with a nice balance of masculinity. Cool guy, I must say, I wish he wasn’t so far away. But I am immensely thankful that he is fighting for his country, I respect him so much for that, even when he’d much rather be here. Darn the War!!!! I have too many people to worry about and I hate it! Love the soldier; hate the war, thank God for the life he’s given … that’s all I’ve got to say about that!

Frisbee & Me!

A cream-colored disk sails through the air, swish… it barely misses as it moves through the space between my shoulder and my ear, and brushing past my hair like it wasn’t even there. The next time…clap, I caught it.
I need to throw around more before I hit the ground with the big boys, especially since I’m not a boy at all, I’m actually kind of small. I’m kind of small, but sort of tall, for a girl or at least I’d like to think so… maybe I’ll grow out of my fear and dislike of all things that fly towards me at speeds great or small.
I’ve never had much luck in that department, you see, I’ve been a magnet for things that fly about but they’ve always hit me, and occasionally hurt me, so I just avoided… plus its just no fun to get the air knocked out of your chest with a basketball thrown by a boy on the varsity Basketball team, it just hurts!
After that one, and the time when I was hit in squarely in the head by a Frisbee thrown by a very large and strong guy who wasn’t very far away, I decided that staying away from team sports and such was just better for my mental and physical health, oh, and did I mention the time I was almost squashed to death in my dance class?
Well now that’s an interesting story to say the least... But, then I moved to Chicago and apparently that technique won’t work anymore, because my friend is quite an avid Frisbee player, and since I rarely see the sun, for all the time I’m working in the studio I’ve decided to attempt the impossible and play! Generally I’m not one to play anything, at all! I was told by my Mother as a child, that I was never really a child, I didn’t really ‘play’ and several friends from high school have joked at my skipping abilities, because I don’t seem to have any. (Not the skipping school kind, although I didn’t seem to have that one either, but the little school girl skipping through a field of flowers kind of thing)
So whatever my abilities may or may not be, I will be attempting this Frisbee thing, so help me, and maybe I’ll be better than the worst player out there when I get done. One can only hope.

Day @ the Museum & Art that I love

I went to look at art in the museum today with my friend Ben, and I saw such a large number of famous artist's work all in one series of rooms.
This was my second time to see the exhibit, and I really need to go on a different day. Saturdays are always filled with out-of-towners who move through the rooms like cattle in a pen, and although I am not fond of all of the artists in the show, I much prefer to look at art and think about it without snobby rich people stepping directly in front of me whilst I’m looking at a painting,or listening to various people comment on the art and 'fight' each other for a spot that is not suited to viewing a particular art work, etc... In short, I don't like looking at Art when other people are in the gallery.
I like to walk through empty rooms and let the colors of the paintings wash over me, and the cold stares of the bronze statues encased in Plexiglas boxes confront me as I study their singular characteristics.
Artists that I tend to dislike, sometimes catch me with a piece that steps out of the bounds that they create with their normal style of work.
One such artist is Picasso, he is normally an artist that I stray away from, because of the content and strange style of work that doesn’t appeal to me at all, but as of late I have been exposed to 50 years worth of his work, in various forms and have discovered a few select pieces that I enjoy.
Among these select pieces, are several sculptures a painting or two, and several illustrations created for books and some wonderful pen and ink drawings.
My friend Margarite is convinced that I don’t like any art at all, which is untrue, or else why would I be attending an Art school?
I told her that its not that I don’t like art, it’s the simple fact that our Art History instructor tends to focus on all of the artists and works that I seem to dislike and then skims over the artists in which I’m truly interested, and that is why I always seem to ‘hate’ the art we talk about.
Margarite has yet to be convinced of this fact and states she will have to see it to believe it. Ha-ha I really can do nothing but laugh at this, because it’s kind of funny.

Oooh, I saw a Degas today now that is an artist I enjoy, not the entirety of his work, just the dancers really, but "oh, I love the dancers!"
This painting I saw was called “Dancers at the Barre”


I think that this painting by Edgar Degas is one of my favorites thus far, and since I have yet to see all of the dancers he’s ever created there is potential for my mind to change.
I want to go back to the Vollard exhibit just to see that painting and maybe a few of Cézannes famous apples again.
I should take a friend, but just one, because any more and you get too much conversation and not enough art, one is best, you can discuss a myriad of things and not get in one another’s way when one wants to stop and focus on something else.
I don’t hate Art I just have very particular tastes.
I wish that I could sell art again… I got to sell art while I worked for a local Contemporary Furniture store, before I came to school in Chicago.
And I miss it quite a lot, especially when you get the perfect paring of artist personality and artwork. One of my favorite artists was a woman by the name of Amy Rocket-Todd, she created some of the most spectacular works of paint and pastel that ever graced the surface of a canvas I sold 4 30”x30” paintings of hers to one particular couple who were furnishing their new home. The couple loved the three that we had hanging in a series on the wall of the shop but a fourth was needed to continue the flow of not only the space in their home but also for continuity of the paintings, I found another one.
The paintings were shapes and forms that were inspired by the body, in some of the most beautiful combinations of soft reds, pinks, muted tans, and plums, and the occasional lime green or aqua blue. The wonderful blending of colors was almost violently cut to pieces with the strokes of black made with charcoal on the surface of the canvas; this division of the canvas defines the subject and mesmerizes the viewer. “The Pretzel Unwinds in Due Time” is a painting that hung in our store fore quite some time and I’m quite sure that this was one of quite a few of paintings I sold of hers.
I encourage you take a glimpse at this intriguing artist and her work. www.rocketttodd.com
She is one of the reasons why I love art.

Witty Sarcasm

Sarcasm, it is the bane and the bread of my existence, or maybe it is witticism.
Either way it seems to seep from my pores and balances, oh, so delicately on the tip of my tongue. Occasionally it gets me in more trouble than its worth, but usually it worth a pretty penny… without it what would I do?
I suppose I would be one of those overly ‘cute’ girls who just seem to act like idiots so people will like them. But I could care less about people liking me.
Well I probably shouldn’t say that, I suppose that is my cynicism coming through, lets just say that I like people who like me, and a few who don’t, but I’m not going to let it keep me awake at night if someone doesn’t care for me or my personality.
I can understand the fact that one, cannot be liked by everyone, nor should one strive for that, because if you try to please everyone you will only become discouraged at the proposition, or you become fake. And fake is something I hope I will never be, misunderstood, I am all the time, which is disconcerting at times but definitely not the end of the world, things always seem to work out as they should and sometimes better.
Actually for me, things almost always tend to be much better than I’d hoped, although the getting there is not often the most pleasant path in life but, good things come to those who wait, I think that I’m getting pretty good at this waiting thing. I’ve gotten some pretty decent results thus far in my life, and I’m holding out more. Only the best, the best friends, family, school, jobs, guy… yeah, I can handle that.
Some people say I have a bad attitude towards life or things in general, but I feel that I must disagree to these sentiments. I am not unhappy in life, I’ve been pretty blessed, unfortunately its hard for other people to get that I’m really excited about life and other things, simply because I don’t often display too many emotions the way that most people normally do.
Here’s a hint. Look for ‘smart’ comments and wry smiles and that will tip you off that I’m excited or amused at any rate. I’m trying to be more outwardly upbeat, and friendly but if I don’t catch on right away its because, I’m no cheerleader and it’s not as if I have an extra reservoir of superficial cheeriness to spread around, but I am trying… not to be a cheerleader, by any means, but…nicer to say the least.

The call...

My friend Daniel, the white-Cuban who can't speak Spanish, we joke about that quite a bit, is leaving today on a 16 hr flight to Iraq. I HATE it, I don't think that I can reiterate that enough. I thought that I’d missed his call, which I did, but I was able to him for 2 hours last night and I was so excited. We always talk about the strangest things for our age group
I suppose, but it always works for us. I mean the stuff we talk about ranges from my school and classes, his job, the military, our respective families and friends, books, religion, children on our views on raising them, marriage and other strange topics for college age individuals, which I suppose isn’t all that strange.
Its funny that he says he doesn’t like talking on the phone because we always talk forever. I think that the hardest part of a phone call is the letting go, you are already apart but you have this special way to connect and you inevitably have to give it up. I'm never quite sure what to say when I’ve got to say goodbye, it always comes out kind of awkward especially when I want to say something meaningful like "I'll miss you" it comes out a bit like "ok, well I’ll talk to you later..." darn, my lack of articulation! I hate it when friends have to go so far away.
I love talking to such good friends whom I’ve know for such a long time, I think I’ve known Daniel for almost 6, maybe 7 years, its kind of strange to think that. I will be glad when he comes home safe, and that goes for all the other military guys I know.

Writing & Relationships

A friend told me the other day that I write a ton for not having any time…well, in answer to that, I explained that writing is what I do to de-stress since I’m not dancing at the moment and since I love writing, I tend to make plenty of time to write, be it a minute here and there between classes or staying up an extra hour at night just to reply to friends and let go of all the things that overtook me throughout the day.
I was talking the other day with Margarite about people and how they relate to each other in different circumstances and methods depending on their personal rapport and relationship. I’m a strange individual. I tend to respond to everyone in a similar manner, which is pretty cynical, sarcastic and dry… sometimes I come off as if I don’t care, and a good portion of the time, I don’t, but this isn’t so good when I actually do care. It’s hard to change this to reflect that feeling.
I think it’s a defense mechanism for me, since I’m not a really touchy-feely person, I’m extremely private in my emotions and their demonstration, especially the physical demonstration of them, I have to be more than comfortable with you to touch at all in any way. I am known for having a very large ‘bubble’ that defines my personal space, and I get nervous and slightly irritated if people invade this space with out express permission.
So if I touch you at all outside of your more formal handshake, then it is a good indication that you are making great strides to making me comfortable with you on a more personal level. I have a number of good friends that I’ve never hugged or anything like that just because… most of my very best friends, I’ve known for 3 or more years while others just clicked. I just wish that someone would make a definite move and ask me something so I can take action and do something, I hate being in that in-between state, where nothing is certain and thing are left unsaid and up in the air, it makes me nervous. I think that people in general make me nervous, because I never know exactly how to react so I just stick with what works.
I suppose that I will try to keep this short, so short, that I’ll keep the rest to myself…

Some things you wait for, and others you just do.

Shoes and Bags with Sustainable Ballerinas photos
Pink and black tights, flowing skirts and flats.
Add permeable paving and a green design along with discussions in the bathroom that pour out the door and down the hall add a bite of friendship in a bag.
An interesting run-in
A confirmation of cuteness to follow a quick discussion
A friend who pops up wherever I go
And another to talk to too.
I pass back by, and decide to stop.
Why did I do this, awkwardness?
Double Trouble all in one room, why are they always together?
I don’t know how to choose, the challenge or the stare?
I’m not sure how much I actually care.
The conversation bounces back and forth between two.
And then silence falls to one side
I wonder why I tried
As I attempt to leave I’m petitioned to stay, but not today
I walk away wondering, I’m always left wondering
A friend from far away asked why? And I asked the same
And then I gave up on that game
I’m going to step it up
Maybe I’m not as boring as I thought
Maybe it wasn’t all for naught
Because I’ve just been taught
A bit more about myself
How shoes and bags with sustainable ballerinas
Looking pretty in pink don’t have to give up their tights
Just to get some bragging rights
Spices and snapper go hand in hand
We go down the road to talk and it goes well
Shots are captured with photos and words
Things get said
Because everyone used their head
I think about what I’ve seen and heard
And decide that some things, you wait for
And other things, you just do

A Bit after Noon...

A bit after noon, a late start…tap, tap, tap, goes the bejeweled flat as the wait for the elevator becomes what is keeping the day from continuing. Legs that seem long in dark jeans brush against each other as they move swiftly down the sidewalk in an effort to cross the street before the light changes.
Swish, swish, swish, “ahh” the light didn’t win this time… and the legs continue, people are moving swiftly by, and it’s hard to tell which are going faster.
The door is in sight, a smile beams bright on raspberry colored lips, try to touch everyone with their light. Hoping that in their sight some others day might be bright.
The door spins in a never-ending rotation and the waiting continues, it is so late, a hope that one is not late.
Another elevator, another wait… the door opens…beep, security is breached! And one goes on, ‘round the corner and down the hall. Faces are passed, a friend is addressed, flashes of color jump out in lime greens, bright orange, and cardboard brown.
A laugh and a smile, with the rising of a body, a movement so quick thought not consulted. Slight confusion, maybe indecision…a fork in a pronged road.
Held breath is exhaled, questions are answered, and more are asked.
A moment is taken for what seems to be a friend, what kind of friend?
One may never know…so “lets go!”
stop, go, pause, slow… something has begun, but what? with who?
We go, but why?
One doesn’t know but one still goes.
walking talking, starting, stopping, running, waiting
dropping, getting…wondering…staying.
Smirking to ones-self when that is all one can do.
Standing, joining, walking, waiting, talking, moving closer…
one wonders…hmmm…
walking, waiting, joining, commenting, thanking…
Stopping, pausing- waiting, saying…parting…wondering…walking, waiting
One waits, and goes, walking up the steps, striding with a new purpose.
The previous quest continues and is obtained. Another one replaces, which is replaced again and again as each are completed, a wish that “we could pretend that it’s the weekend now” but other things are then considered.
An opportunity lost and another is found, a suggestion made and an attitude is questioned somewhat jokingly, or not?
A favor asked and then given, information passed along and thanks are made.
An opportunity is set. And a door is opened, excitement mounts, but is held in check. Things are gotten that must be got.
Historical references made and received, the night is cool but the body is warm.
Tomorrow waits though the work is never done, no time for anything.
Not even me, but some things just have to be.

The bi-fold door

The bi-fold door is being pushed from the inside out, the corner of an exceptionally bright and fluffy orange towel peeks around the corner as a comfy cotton tee and various other articles of clothing struggle to be free of the basket that strains to constrain them.
This is just one point through which the closet may be viewed. It is not as if there aren’t other clothes to be worn, but these are the favorites, the everyday, the comfortable and sometimes the chic, the others are standbys and “nice clothes” meant to be worn for those “special occasions” like going to the Ballet, the theatre or a stylish restaurant. ‘Those’ clothes are not often used, when one has nowhere nice to go. Work doesn’t count anymore, gone are the days when one dressed up for work, especially when one went from an office and a retail store to a woodshop, “where you aren’t supposed to look good” but one can and should attempt, and one does. So if there is ‘nothing’ for one to where, one must inevitably get more creative in piecing together their wardrobe from those clothes that remain, or …they must do the Laundry.

Ultimate Sunday

Ultimate Frisbee, 56-degree weather and omelets with friends.
Ben, Bree, Peter, Max, Dan, Clay, Tristan, Matt, Peter, Chris, and several other kids that came and went who I never caught their names. A girl named Martha, and Nicole.
I woke up and checked my e-mail, and said “hello” to Ben. Who promptly messaged me back and said he was going to play Frisbee today. I told him I would go with him, so after talking a couple of different times he ran back to show me the way… I had such a good time, although I refrained from participating in the game. I would love to feel confident enough to play with others but I’ve never really done it, ever. So I suppose that, along with the fact that I am easily winded, have awful hand-eye coordination, and little confidence in my physical abilities I have thus far in my life refrained from team sports, games and the like. I don’t like letting other people down, and if I’m not at my best I would rather not even do it. I guess its just fear and pride. I hope I will get over that someday. It is the same thing with dancing, I love it so much, but I don’t like to dance in public because I hate looking stupid, and I know I will, because I never think I’m as good as others (who’ve seen me) say I am. I am such a dork! But it was so good to get out today. I was reintroduced to Dan, who I’d met previously at a friends house at the beginning of the semester, and Tristan, a good friend of Ben, whom I’ve seen on several occasions, there were so many others that I’ve seen around but never been associated with. Moving from the shadows to the sun, watching the fun. My freezing feet and windswept ponytail glad that I’d not fallen in the mud. Walking back home, we friends made plans and parted ways in the elevator, destined to reunite in my room, laden with stuff and ready to make food. We were all starving at 5:30pm when we got back. Most of us hadn’t eaten well before we’d left so protein was essential, and omelets filled with peppers onions and mushrooms, were made, along with toasted wheat bagels and guacamole. It was amazing! The five of us squeezed into my tiny kitchen area and cooked our food and then just sat down on the floor by my bed (which is about 5ft from the kitchen area and 3ft from the door) to eat, and talk. I love when people come over and cook together, talk and just feel good together.
After we all dispersed and I washed dishes, I grabbed my stuff and headed over to the studio, where I met Margarite and worked for a couple of hours before I returned to my room and started other things.

Saturday At the Studio

It’s Saturday afternoon, I’m sitting in studio 1228 wishing I could be outside enjoying the 50+ degree weather that is quite uncommon for winter/spring in the Windy City. I can’t believe that I’m this boring. I’ll probably be here tomorrow too, so sad.
I can't get any work done in my room and it is getting increasingly more difficult to get work done in the studio either, I need a change of scene.
I want to go to Filter! I need some good coffee and conversation. I also need to get some drawing done and bounce some ideas back and forth with someone, for my Fluid Interfaces class. Why is my life so complicated? As Jack Johnson said in his song “I was sitting, waiting, wishing… must I always be waiting on you…I can’t always be waiting on you…” I am quite fond of Jack Johnson, he’s got such a mellow sound, and I’m all about that. So I’m sitting and waiting, definitely wishing, about what...

Friday Night [March 9]

I went out to eat last night with Margarite before she left for a concert, mainly because she had time and also because my Mom called me, out of the blue and while I talked to her on my lunch break she told be I needed to get out and do something, go out to eat, get coffee and talk with someone, something, because I was getting too stressed and overworked. The trouble is, I am free at weird times, like Monday’s before 5pm, Fridays (well, not so much anymore) and pretty much all day on Sat/Sun but no one in my department is particularly friendly or asks me to do anything. (The woodshop excluded, but even then…)
So I went to this place called the Salt & Pepper Diner of the red line at Addison. I could never live in that area, because of all the bars and the stadium, I would go so insane! I can handle the occasional sports game and talk although I’m not very knowledgeable on these subjects, but having to deal with drunks, sports enthusiasts, and jock personalities, every time I walk around the neighborhood or get on the train, is not my idea of a fun place to live. I am excited that Margarite and I are getting an apartment together this fall, I am ready to have my own place and be able to invite as many people over whenever I want without having to check them into the building, like I have to do in the dorms. I am not sure why I decided to life there in the first place, because I don’t like living around large numbers of directionless people. I think it was mainly because I’d never been to Chicago and my entire family was nervous about me moving to such a large city alone. My older brother and sister brought me up here and were glad the security in the buildings was so good. I think that I’m more than ready to live somewhere else now, I want to socialize my way, which doesn’t include smoking pot or drinking excessively in my dorm room, unlike a number of people in my building. I am so far past this type of activity that I just bypassed it altogether. I really don’t see the fun in it. I prefer to talk to people, or go out and just wander.
I miss being in Tulsa and throwing parties at my own house. I really miss being able to plan “salad parties” movie nights, and excursions to local restaurants for all of my friends, many of which loved going out to do stuff but never had any good ideas (I.E. anything new or different, so I was the one who thought up new places to go or hosted stuff at my house) We always had a great time, no matter who showed up or didn’t.
I can’t wait to go back this summer and be able to do that at my sisters’ new house and mine. It is in my favorite part of Tulsa, called Midtown. It is close to all of the major Highways to go anywhere, plus it is only a few miles from all of the great walking neighborhoods and local boutiques and restaurants, downtown is not far either. I recommend that everyone visit Tulsa at least one time in his or her life and grab a local to show them around, it is what you would call “a diamond in the rough” there are many aspects that you can’t get from a guidebook.
One of my own personal goals is to visit every locally owned coffee shop and restaurant in the area, because food, I love and coffee I enjoy immensely, although I enjoy tea quite a bit more, I have yet to find a tea shop in Tulsa (they are so scarce I’ve never seen one) with the same atmosphere as a Tulsa coffee shop. I am so snobby in this area that I really don’t drink coffee outside of Tulsa, because I will not step inside a Starbucks unless coerced, and I’ve never had better coffee or service combined with the atmosphere of locals shops, anywhere else. I’ve been in Chicago since the end of August ’06 and have been to a few places, but nothing has ever come close except for a shop off the brown line at Damen called “The Perfect Cup” the coffee is good and the Barista is this strange and funny girl who talks so slow that she seems like such a stoner. Ha-ha it is so great, she’s super nice and the prices aren’t overpriced, as far as coffee places go, and although the décor is not exceptional the atmosphere is good.
I want to try this place called Filter, which I’ve heard has a nice intimate coffee shop vibe and is off the blue line at the Damen stop in Wicker Park across the street from some funky shoe store and a taco place.
“Its cash only”, Margarite says “so keep that in mind next time you go” I’ve never been so I suppose the next time I go will be the first. Maybe I should go on Sunday or Monday. Ahh well, probably not, unless I get someone to go with me.

When it rains I'm walking in it.

Walkin’ in the rain

I like walkin’ in the rain
When I’ve got nowhere to be
No one to please and no one to see

I don’t mind being soaking wet
With my hair windswept
No shoes on my feet
That feeling is sweet

I like walkin’ in the rain
When I’ve got nowhere to be
No one to please and no one to see

My shoes in my hand are thrown to the side
When I say, “this’ll be one wild time!”
I go out to think when the rain travels by
Because time seems to shrink in importance at times
And that previous line just seems to rhyme
When I’ve got nowhere to be
No one to please and no one to see
You’ll find me, walkin’ in the rain



When it rains

Drip, drop, drip drop…. Pitter patter-
Nothing matters in the rain
It gives you nothing but gain
The porch swing creaks
As the wind whistles by but
Nothing matters in the rain
The sunrises on a Saturday
But nothings seen for the rain
Barefoot feet step into jeans
Cuff the jeans and grab a shirt
And head off to run in the dirt
When is it ok to play in the dirt?
When you’ve just got jeans and a shirt

The Rush

I'm Rushing, running, racing-
That door, this door, and the other one too
I'm moving, but what am I shaking?
All I want to do is just lie back down
I'm at the tipping point but I don't know
Am I rocking the boat or just the rocking horse?
I don’t know what to do next, should I jump?
Will I just sink or swim? Which is better?
Am I sinking into an enveloping bliss or
Am I swimming in a sea of dreams?
Do dreams and realities ever meet?
Or are my dreams already a reality waiting to be met?
Let me slow…my pace and take a breath
Remember that smile and wish that those smiles-
Like the Mona Lisa, would reveal their secret stories and perfect storms.
Because your body may be a wonderland, but your mind is the perfect place to stay…and the perfect place to play is in the rain because there is no rushing the rain, it stays for as long as it came and we are never the same, too bad for the flame, everything was so comfortable, so I suppose I’ll just sit here, waiting…

Anything Goes?

I met a boy today.
It was not as if we’ve never met, or even talked, but as these things often are
It was funny and strange, and quite bizarre.

Walking down the long hall, I caught a glimpse of someone through the wall
I was unsure of what I saw, so I just walked on down the hall
I turned a corner, but leaned back to have a look
And what did I see?
Someone looking back at me

Our poses the same, and do you know what came?
An image of Lucy playing dress-up as Harpo Marx
Two people moving the same, playing some game
This experience was quite tame, but I wonder if my expression was the same?

I crack a smile as I recognize that who I thought I saw, I saw
And wonder if what he saw, was what he thought he saw.

The game is up. The other one knows, I wonder if anything goes?

Stories Left untold

Another day another deed,
I have strode through this day in such a hurry
Things need to be done
So I do them,
Thoughts need to be thought
So I think them
People need to be sought
So I seek them
Things need to be bought
So I buy them
Life needs to be appreciated
So I…
What do I do with my life?
I do, I think, I seek, I buy
So I STOP...And appreciate life?

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

I slowed down today,
Just once, or twice,
And found a friend when ere I did.
We talked a bit and shared our thoughts
For what good are thoughts and ideas, if they are never realized?
What good are friends if they are never found?
We must look, for friends are often like a book
The cover hides what lies within
And if it is never opened, the story is never told
And if I may be so bold… we've all some stories left untold

Always a Day Off

Hmm. I cried the other day, and that is not a thing that occurs often in my life. Oh, it was yesterday, no, it was Monday night. When I do things like that I tend to block them out.
Why did I cry? You ask. Read the "Love Story" post from the other day and then imagine that your hand is my hand and that it is resting gently on a larger much older hand. A hand that is only a shadow of the hand it used to be. You are curling your fingers around the hand that held yours as a child, a hand that protected you when you were scared, tickled you until you screamed in laughter and protest, and the hand that guided you towards the path you are taking to your dreams.
Your hand moves and you place it alternately upon the forehead and chest of the person whose hands you now hold. You bend over and lay your head on the heart that gave life so that your heart could beat too. You feel the rise and fall of the chest as the breath fills the lungs and feel the feverish heat that radiates from the exposed skin of the sleeping figure; you stay this way for several minutes…listening and feeling.
As you finally rise you touch the hand one more time and gaze at the face that you knew and loved so well, you let go of that hand and walk away…. You knew… unconsciously, you had a feeling that something about this night was a little different from the rest, but not realizing that that was the last moment you would ever be able to hold that hand and feel that heart beat, and that when you were woken several hours later, in the early hours of the morning, your life would be forever changed.



I don't know if it is because I'm too busy to keep up or what, but it seems as if I'm always a day late or more when I attempt to keep a record of what happened on a particular day.
I suppose I will forget about describing the events, maybe I'll just describe the sequence of emotions, or maybe calculated thoughts, I'm not sure which would be the best way to record things. I'm not exactly why I have the urge to record my life in this manner, or why I do it at all. Millions of people live everyday of their lives without any kind of comprehensible record of the things that occurred in their lives or the thoughts or feeling that they had along the way.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday [March 3, 4, 5]

I don't understand why I always end up at the Studio on the weekends. You'd think that after working 3 days a week in the shop and taking various classes throughout the week, that I'd keep away from the studio whenever I can, but No. It isn't possible.
I get a message right after I get up on Saturday from Margarite telling me that I better get her message within the next 2 hours and be up and working hard the next time she saw me. Well I suppose that it worked, because I was up and out the door headed to the studio in about an hour.
Margarite is pretty motivational when she wants to be. I had to get out of my room or I'd never get anything done, and I would have gotten more things done if i'd left this stupid thing at home too! I've found that my ipod and my phone are really the only electronics I should have when I am trying to work on anything non-technical.
Saturday night was pretty fun though, Margarite called to free me from work and after I walked over to her building, we watched movies all night while her drunk roommate was out getting even more drunk. I attempted to watch The Life Aquatic for the 3rd or 4th time in my life while we both attempted to do homework(not much got done, except looking at the bridesmaid dress I'm wearing in a month or so and the coordinating shoes) I just don't think that Bill Murry or The Life Aquatic are really my thing. We also watched Moon Over Miami, which was definitely more my style but it was made in the 1940's or something. But I just can't seem to understand how I inevitably end up at school on Sundays, especially when I'd rather be at church, unfortunately I don't have one to go to here in Chicago and I hate it! so instead I'm stuck at school doing homework and whatever else.
I did get to talk to Jeni after my floor meeting and mini talk with David. And it stinks that I missed talking to Daniel today, I called him at 5pm or a little after but I'm pretty sure he had to work late, although it is so bad that he had to go in on a Sunday at all, expecially after spending the entire week previous, out in the field with a buch of dirty sweaty guys in uniform with velcro rank patches that just wont stay on! Poor Daniel...I miss all my guys who are in the Service, sometimes I just don't know what I'm going to do with all of them.


Mondays are always interesting days because I never know what I will be doing during the day, nothing is scheduled until my 6pm class so it is always a hodgepodge of events and things I need to do. I got up early today and one of the first things I did was make blueberry pancakes (I haven't gone grocery shopping, I've not had the time or motivation to go, so all I really have is pancake mix, rice, Nutella, edema me, and cereal but no milk. so sad, i'm such a dork!) and then I started studying for my History of Amer Res & Institutional Arch, because we were having a test.
I had been studying off and on all weekend, but last night and this morning I started going at it. Either way it wouldn't have mattered because after I got to class tonight I totally blanked, who knows the extent of the damage but needless to say, out of 10 photo Id's, plus 2 extra credit, 12 or so fill in the blanks, and 3 essay questions I’m not feeling very confident about our first test.
I would have rather written a summary essay of the last 5 lectures than take that test, and the worst part was, I know that I knew it, I was just so nervous that I couldn't get to that information, it was as if I was reaching out my hand but it was just out of reach, visible but unattainable. I hate that! But the upside is that we got out of class early today and because of that I got to make dinner and eat with a few friends, talk to some people and that helped with the stress a lot. And my friend Ben, showed me a few things in Illustrator tonight so I can start playing around on that program to put together the design I want to use on the back of the bookshelves I’m making.
Oooh, I got house plans in the mail today!! I'm so excited! I'm about to really start on that design project I'm doing on that house in Tulsa. The owner sent me the plans and I emailed him a contract to review and soon we are going to sign that and really get going. I was so excited that I called Margarite the second I picked them up and I had to take them into the shop to show Matt, since he proofread the contract for me, plus I was freakin' excited I was almost bouncing off the walls! And lets not forget Ben who got to catch a glimpse of them when stopped studying to show him around the Sullivan Center.
Monday evening was really nice, after the depressing test I took. I went back to my room and Ben kind of set up an impromptu dinner collaboration. He was making chicken, so I made some rice and Bree created a most wonderful salad that is quite similar to my rice in the method in which the idea for it was conceived.
Margarite came over too, so the 4 of us all ate and talked for a while, it was fun. I really liked being able to create a meal with friends and have good conversation while enjoying it together. And after I ran downstairs to get some help from Ben in Illustrator, I dropped in on Ed and Clay for a minute before I went upstairs to finish the “King and the Clown” a Korean movie that Jae let me borrow, it was strange, but good in a way that reminds me of Amelie.

Q & A

Here is a completely randon Questionaire that a friend sent me today and since I am avoiding homework I did this instead.



1.) Q. Can you cook?
1.) A. Most Definitely yes, I have many food parties! Food is my favorite!

2.) Q. What was your dream growing up?
2.) A. to be an archeologist, i'm not too far off with becoming an Architect, its much cleaner anyway.

3.) Q. What talent do you wish you had?
3.) A.I wish I could write better

4.) Q. Favorite place?
4.) A.Home. I love being at home in Tulsa, in a comfy chair somewhere with coffee/tea and a good friend

5.) Q. Favorite vegetable?
5.) A. this is a hard one, I really enjoy spinach, purple onions and yellow or orange bell peppers, because they are so versatile and have amazing flavor alone or mixed in any number of combinations, you do realize that you asked a cook/food critic about Food!

6.) Q. What was the last book you read?
6.) A. A Room with a View, by E.M. Forster

7.) Q. What zodiac sign are you ?
7.) A. I'm a Leo. I'm just a feline; I was born in the year of the Tiger too!

8.) Q. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
8.) A.My ears but thats all.

9.) Q. Worst Habit?
9.) A. Over critiquing things/people.

10.) Q. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
10.) A. I would expect so.

11.) Q. What is your favorite sport?
11.) A.Rock Climbing or Ballet

12.) Q. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
12.) A.I'm a Realist

13.) Q. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
13.) A. I would assume that I would sit and wait to be rescued, hopefully we wouldn't sit in silence the entire time, especially since I can get rather chatty when I am nervous or I know you well enough

14.) Q. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
14.) A. My Dad dying.

15.) Q. Tell me one weird fact about you:
15.) A. I'm a really geeky person? But you probably already knew that. I Love power tools and Classic Muscle cars!

16.) Q. Do have any pets?
16.) A. yes, two cats, Skunk and Armani

17.) Q. Do u know how to do the Macarena?
17.) A. I’ve seen it attempted before, but I wouldn't say that I knew how to do it, having never attempted it before

18.) Q. What time is it where you are now?
18.) A. it is 11:15pm on Tuesday night in Chicago

19.) Q. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
19.) A. Neither, they are weird

20.) Q. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???
20.) A.I don't think I’d change anything, I kind of like how I look

21.) Q. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
21.) A. Depending on the crime, I might be the partner, but I’d probably be the conscience

22.) Q. What color eyes do you have?
22.) A. Hazel, they are sometimes grey-blue
, or a kind of sea green depends on what I wear.

23.) Q. Ever been arrested?
23.) A. Nope

24.) Q. Bottle or Draft?
24.) A. Cranberry juice w/ Ice slightly melted (there's a story behind that one)

25.) Q. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
25.) A. pay off the school loans I've already accrued so far in my educational career

26.) Q. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
26.) A. Orbit Spearmint

27.) Q. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?
27.) A. I'm not really a drinker (I don't turn 21 'til August, but there is a rather nice bar area in Café Des Architectes, a restaurant in Chicago)

28.) Q. Do you believe in ghosts?
28.) A. not especially

29.) Q. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29.) A. Read...hands down. Brit Lit, Design Magazines or Photography books

30.) Q. Do you swear a lot?
30.) A. Not especially. I do say "Darn" & "that’s a pain in the rear" quite often but that’s as far as that goes

31.) Q. Biggest pet peeve?
31.) A. Stupid people asking me dumb questions when they have the answer in front of them if they'd pay attention.

32.) Q. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32.) A. Complex

Friday Dinner[March 2nd]

I went home after work and said “hello” to my roommate as I walked through the door into our shared space, I like my roommate but I can’t wait to get an apartment.

I put my bags down on my bed and take my computer from the stylish red case that I’d previously been wearing and plugged it in, “god, forbid I’m ever disconnected from the world!” If you didn’t catch the sarcasm there you shouldn’t be reading this blog, because there are and will be a great number of things that you will fail to understand, and secondly if you can’t get that blatant display of sarcasm you won’t get much else and you will live your life dazed and confused. In any case, I plug in and promptly walk away. I want to fall asleep but that won’t do, so instead I eat, another important task on my mental, to do list. I play around with the toaster, plug it in, and proceed to get out bread, butter and Nutella. If you’ve never encountered this amazing chocolate hazelnut spread you should count yourself among those who are deprived and unhappy, because it is one of the most amazing and wonderful things next to strawberry jam, to spread across a piece of buttered toast. Margarite and I are planning on going out to dinner, she has to study specific interiors for her Human Factors design class and didn’t want to go alone on a Friday night to a nice restaurant. I can understand. I eat my nutella-covered toast as I check my email and wait for Margarite to call and tell me where we are going so I can get dressed. I get up for a moment and when I return to the computer I am greeted with a message from Margarite telling me that she’s home from work and that we are still planning on going out to dinner. I called her back and asked where we were going and what I should wear, oddly enough she had the same question for me, “Where do you want to go? And what are you wearing?” Maggie said to just come over to her room so she could see what I was wearing so she could decide what to wear herself. Ha-ha how great is that! So I took a quick shower and slipped into my favorite camel colored wool pants a black fitted sleeveless shirt and a sheer pin tucked, red brown and black floral print button-up shirt, a sophisticated business-type outfit that transitions well to evening. Plus I had on black fishnets on with a pair of killer round toe, T-strapped whiskey colored heels, and I even straightened my hair and wore a little bit bolder lip color than normal. Not to sound conceited or anything but I looked good! And so did Margarite! That girl can look good with almost no effort at all. She had on these great brown boots, gunmetal grey jeans, and a cream colored button-up with chocolate colored polka dots.
The train ride out to our stop wasn’t that bad. We are getting good at this wandering stuff so we found the hotel without any problems. The restaurant was in the Softel Hotel, a pretty sophisticated place to eat. It was called Café Des Architectes, and needless to say it was an upscale restaurant with an upscale price. I can’t believe that I spent so much money on one meal, when I could have spent the same amount of money and bought real food. (Not as fancy, but still amazing! I am, after all, a good cook ) Oh, well, It was a great night. I always love being able to dress up in something nice and go out for dinner, or even just dessert. I have quite a sweet tooth, but I don’t go overboard with it. I was kind of expecting to spend about what I did, so it wasn’t totally unexpected, plus we got an appetizer too. Portions of that appetizer were good, but I will critique the food in a post all it’s own. I just can’t believe that we were there for 2 hours or more, it was good though, we really were able to experience the space and how people moved around in it.

Love Story

My life began August 12th 1986, in Iowa City, Iowa. When I would talk about college starting at the ripe old age of ten, my mom would always tell me, that I was made for college, because I had already experienced it when she was in school. Since she was pregnant with me while she was completing Chiropractic College, I went to every class with her and that is where my love of knowledge came from. I was a graduation gift to my Mom.
Getting to the point, I would not be here with such a love of knowledge had it not been for those who gave me life, who loved and filled me with a hunger to know more, see more, do more, experience more, struggle more, and live more. My mom, Ginny is quite an amazing woman. This story is pieced together from her comments to my questions, and things from my memory, either told to me in the past or things I experienced as well.


“Well, here goes nothing, guys”

Right now, at this moment I am sitting at a computer, typing away at a paper for English class, an interview. I am attempting to coherently paste fragments of my parents life together from the one sided stories of my Mom, and the memories I have of stories told by my Dad before his death a couple of years ago.
I stop typing- and look at the words on the screen and ask myself if anything I wrote makes any sense at all.

My Grandparents separated when she was only fourteen years old; during this time she lived with her Dad, and three other siblings. When she was almost 16 when her parents finalized their divorce it was also at this time she moved in with her mother and began hanging out the skating rink.
I can picture my Mom walking into the skating rink in Fort Smith, Arkansas, smelling the leather from the skates, and the stale odor of chips and hundred year old nacho cheese, coming from the concession stand. Going to the counter to get her skates and strap them on and then gliding across the smooth wood. The skating rink was the perfect place for her to go when returning home was not the most favorable option. She had had a hard life and my dad was just the right person to bring her to life. He was always up for something new, and his personality was magnetic and spontaneous, and she was so shy and reserved. he owned the skating rink where my Mom skated, and after awhile my Mom began helping to clean up and put things away when they were closing and pretty soon she started working there to pay for skating lessons, this is when she and my Dad began to grow closer, by working and talking together, but it was hard at first. Dad, being so much older than my Mom, 28 years older, was 45 when they met, viewed her as a kid at first, but later realized that my mom was an old soul.
I asked my Mom how people viewed the relationship between my parents, and she told me that it must have seemed strange to most people at first but no one ever said any thing, and once they got to know them it was no big deal, because they were meant for each other.
“One of my favorite stories is when my parents got married it shows how quirky my Dad was, and how determined my Mom was”

The day before they got married my parents had driven to a lake in Texas and spent the day taking pictures, and enjoying the lake, but the inn overlooking the lake was full for a convention so they had to stay somewhere else.

“Anyway, as I was saying, before I went down a rabbit trail”

Their wedding day was overcast as they went to pick up their marriage license and drive to the Justice of the Peace, All along my mom had been telling my dad that she wouldn’t marry him unless he asked her to, so on the way to get married

He says “well, I guess I better ask you, will you marry me?”

The answer was yes, of course but only because they were already on their way there.
Her wedding dress was as unconventional as they were. It was a reddish-brown corduroy dress with brown poplin trim on the skirt and sash that tied around her slim waist, her long straight hair, was no doubt hanging over her narrow shoulders, there could never have been a more youthful and beautiful bride. Their wedding was witnessed by to truckers who had been married just before them and had stayed because my parents had witnesses their wedding. When they came out of the Justice of the Peace it was raining a lightly, and my Dad being such a gentleman walked to the car got in and reached across the seat to unlock the door and pull open the handle for his new wife. My Mom got in the car and said
“I want a divorce! You can’t even unlock my door for me in the rain and let me in first”

“That wouldn’t have happened of course because neither one of them believed in divorce anyway. But that’s how it started, their life. It was oh so full and amazing, so much so that I can’t even begin to tell everything that occurred in their lives, so I am going to tell you about their love, and how they developed it and kept it for so long without going insane”

Those first few years were hard, bouncing around from town to town and job to job, and having three kids in your first four years of marriage is anything but easy but it was fun, because Dad was fun. My mom said that it was my Dads personality that attracted her to him, his vitality, and love of adventure and life that sparkled in his wide, chocolate brown eyes. Those eyes could melt a soul when looked into, and could guilt you into confessing every sin.

“Every time I remember his eyes I can see the love and compassion for others that was at the forefront of everything he did, and the spark that would light up when he smiled, and I knew that life was wonderful because he was my Dad and he loved my Mom.”
Skating, Walking, and Running were all things that my parents did together to stay active and also to talk with each other, they also spent large amounts of time driving around, just dreaming of things that they wanted to do together.
The house is dark; the only light that shines is the muted glow from a fish tank, shining down on an underwater paradise. The light bounces around the room, and comes to rest on two figures, seated facing the underwater scene, their hands clasped together, spanning the distance created by their chairs. The two sit like this for a long period of time before either says a word, they are content to be quiet together.
They would often watch the fish or turn on the radio and listen to music, my Dad pulling my mom out of her resting spot to dance with him to the music of Bobby Vinton.
Staying up late, reading to one another, be it my Moms’ college anatomy book, an adventure novel, or a sentimental love story, was what encouraged my Mom to pursue reading and knowledge, my Dad backing her up all the way.
It was time like those that kept them afloat when things were hard, and their faith that God would see them through.

“That is the kind of love that I want. The kind that sweeps you off your feet, and keeps grounded at the same time.”

I saw a portion the strength that is contained in my mother when I watched her care for my Father when he was ill, so much so, that he was unable to even lift his own hand, she calmly took care of his every need, it was hard for all of us but more so for my Mom than anyone else. She told me how he had always put her first, and how selfish she had been in the past. She remembered, sometimes after a hard day when she was so tired and worn out, him telling her to put him in a nursing home, because if she didn’t she would soon be sitting there next to him. Mom said that she thought about it once but decided that she couldn’t handle it
“Him being somewhere else”
Away from her and having other people take care of him when that is all she wanted to do. It was hard she admitted, seeing him lying there, unable to move or do anything for himself, when that was so unlike him and his personality, but she learned
“That love is a choice”
You have a deeper appreciation for someone if you have to take care of them.
My Mom said that the best part of her life was
“Marrying your Dad” and that they were “closer than ever” the last two or three years of my Dads’ life, when he relied on her for everything.

“I hope everyone finds someone like that” she said

“Like what?” I asked

“Someone that you can do the things you enjoy, I don’t know, just a soul mate I guess. You know, I don’t even know how to explain it.
Someone you can be quiet with, but you can also have fun with, that spoils you, that- I don’t know, that’s spontaneous. That is solid, someone who will take care of you and doesn’t mind being taken care of”
“I don’t know, your Dad was just…I don’t know it was hard to explain your Dad. I mean, a lot of times he was a jerk, but he was my jerk… he was mine. You need someone that you can love, that will love you back, but that enjoys what you enjoy, and that you can enjoy what he enjoys, and you don’t have to enjoy the same stuff even, you know what I’m saying? But you do... I don’t know how to explain it. ”

“My Mom was outlining her definition of the perfect man, and I was agreeing with her as she tried to articulate her thoughts”

“Find someone that you can be passionate about, what he’s passionate about and the same with you” “Is that all you need” she says after she stops.

“Yes, that’s all I need for now. I am full to the brim with stories, and emotions, I just hope that one day I will discover someone who I can love like that” my fingers slow down and the clicking of the keyboard stops as I complete my interview, and save it for another day.

Friday Day [March 2nd]

I again float between consciousness and dreams, these dreams I dream will rarely be remembered, but when they are remembered it is with a clarity that is unsurpassed. Occasionally my dreams will have an added soundtrack that gently runs beneath the radar of my mind, this soundtrack is the movement of the person with whom I share my room. Her movements are appropriated by my dreams and when my alarm awakens me from my somewhat peaceful slumber… I don't listen, “its Friday” I say to myself “I don't have to work until 1pm!” so I change the alarm and go back to sleep, and when I do awake, she is already gone.
I get up and move through the motions of the morning getting this and forgetting that as I stride swiftly out the door, tap my foot as I wait for the elevator to descend. When I walk into the lobby of the building, I refrain from checking the time; I know that I’m running behind. It is fortunate that I only live a block away from work, I step into the second elevator of the morning and when the doors open at my intended destination I begin my determined walk down the halls from the security desk to the woodshop, or the Fabrication Studio if that is preferred. When I schedule appointments in my planner I always entitle it SF Studio, which I think, is a lovely blending of formal and laid back.
Whenever I open the door of the shop I am met with a flurry of sawdust and most often, the sight of busy people working at the tables or operating power tools. For those people who know me well, [this is a relative term] I get a nod of recognition or a quick smile or wave sometimes both. In general I am not a big fan of most people, people I find are quite annoying, they don’t often have very many manners and I’m sure that half of them aren’t even aware of the word or its meaning, and this lack of manners is added to many other quirks in personality and various other things. So I suppose that it is true what people have said of me, my friend Amber specifically said that the best quote for me would have to be that “Stupid people annoy me!” and I’m not sure that would be my top choice, but it would definitely be in the running. Now don’t think that I am a cold-hearted individual, just because I have little or no tolerance for the self-inflicted ignorance of stupid people, I love people individually just not in mindless chaotic masses, but I digress.
The shop, “ahh, what a crazy place it is”, I quite often leave tired, but satisfied. Fridays are ‘supposed’ to be slow, as said by Brian. Brian is the one who, oh so casually asked if I could fill in until he could find someone to work on Friday’s, while both he and I knew that he would be unable to find anyone. Well, needless to say, this Friday was anything but slow, with people running around doing projects, Andrew walking in and out, Andrea trying to print large pictures from the shop computer that wasn’t hooked up to a printer and Brian running around, or locking himself in his office trying to get work done, and lets not mention Matt’s class coming in, doing a demonstration and then overrunning the shop with questions and bodies. What fun! Ha. I really can’t complain though, its not as bad as dealing with an obsessive or irate customer who can’t wait 6 weeks for their furniture when they were specifically told they’d have to wait eight. “How do you reason with people like that?”
“Very carefully”

I went home after work and said “hello” to my roommate as I walked through the door into our shared space, I like my roommate but I can’t wait to get an apartment. The days are so full I can't write just one post, its just so long

Art History, RA letters and other Randomness[Thursday March1]

Thursdays are always interesting days, one never knows exactly how they will turn out...

The room is warm and dark, and I can hear the water from the shower hitting the cheap plastic shower shell. My roommate is awake and getting ready for the day. The alarm on my cell phone goes off about 10 minutes later jarring me from the wonderful place between dreaming and consciousness. "Darn that stupid thing!" My arm reaches out from under the layers of perfectly coordinated blankets and comforter to pick up the offending device, flip it open and close it again. This action gives me another 10 minutes of peaceful bliss before it goes off again telling me that I should really get up and get dressed after my roomate leaves for the day and I've gotten another hour or two of sleep, I finally turn off the alarm and place the phone back on the shelf next to my bed, I grab my glasses as I sit up in bed. I hate being unable to see when I wake up. Usually I wear monthly contacts so I don't have to waste time every morning putting my contacts in.
As I look around the room I notice that the room had a lovely grey quality to it. I love the softness to the color grey, it is such a soothing color, I could almost fall back asleep, but instead I begin to smooth out my lovely orange blanket I then layer my black and tan striped comforter on top of it and fold my cream blanket an the bottom of the bed.
This is usually how things occur...I head to my computer if my roommate is in the bathroom, I have to finish my History Paper, I don't know why I insist on waiting 'til the last minute to complete things like this but... so I sit down at my Macbook Pro and begin typing, I am trying to add more length to a subject which I believe to be exausted already. I like to write concisely, short, sweet and to the point. I sit there at my computer finishing this paper as my roommate gets dressed and leaves. I am finally to a point where I am satisfied with my work and it meets the desired length requirements of the assignment so I get up and go to my closet and pick out an outfit consisting of simple elements; my favorite pair of dark jeans, a black cami, a seafoam green basic scoopneck tee and my brown microfiber boots,it was pretty nice. I grabbed a pair of socks and then head to the bathroom to take an exceptionally hot shower [its winter,and I get cold!] and then get dressed. I noticed that I was kind of running behing schedule but I've still not eaten, nor have I printed my paper. The printer in the Computer Lab was out of paper and not working, I message Margarite to see if she could print it on her computer, but her roommate had used all of the ink in her printer. so after a few minutes of conferring with her I decide to make my self some pancakes and just go to the Michigan building and print it out there on my way to class, I was walking through the Museum anyway so I'd be going right by it.
I was walking in the rain, it was so misty and cool. I could have hated it, as I do most adverse weather, but maybe it was the fact that everything was so grey and clean feeling, I just loved it! not the getting wet part, just the being... Its hard to explain.
I walked into the school building, up the stairs past the media center and into the pitch-black Auditorium it was so strange that 30 minutes before class, the room would be filled with three glowing computer screens and a couple of students lounging in their chairs at the back of the room. I carefully make my way along the back aisle of the room and down the stairs on the far side of the room and take a seat midway down the staircase placing my computer bag on the floor I remove my overly insulated jacket, put my feet on the chair in front of me lean back and close my eyes, just basking in the fact that I am sitting in this comepletely dark room with nothing to do. I love that feeling, but only every once in awhile. Not to worry, it didn't last long.
The instructor came, the lights went up and Margarite joined me. I was already set to turn in my writing assignment and I really just wanted to leave. The ArcheWorks discussion the night before had drained me of all my energy and intellectual thought processes. Margarite was stressing about a test for one of her design classes, we turned in our papers and after Margarite called her instructor for advice, we picked up our stuff from the Auditorium and left, we weren't getting anything productive accomplished. Margarite headed for the library and I went to my room to make food, I had to be In the woodshop by 5pm and I wanted real food! so I ate and then got to sleep for an hour or so before I got up, threw on a 3/4' sweater shirt over my sea foam green shirt, grabbed my bag and jacket and headed off to work.... earlier I'd checked my mail and gotten my RA letter,the school offered me a SPA position for the summer instead of the RA position I actually applied for, I decided that it was probably a good thing since Margarite wanted to get an apartment in the fall and I want to thow dinner parties and stuff without having to check them into my building. Anyway, that's for later.
I was ready to go to work, it is always so funny to work on Thursday nights because its just me and "the guys" Mat, Patrick and yesterday Andrew too. Andrew was there stressing over his Furniture project on the computer, Patrick was off doing his own thing and Matt would periodically pop in to talk to Andrew or me about nothing in particular.
In the hour after I get to work it is always a mad house, because Brian and Carol are still around, and Matt is usually coming in. Well, not 2 min after I walk in the door today I am drawn into an inquiry of how I'm doing, how my day went, if I'm working etc...by a particular student and then asked to help them decide what to do with the rest of their evening, Like I can decide for someone else what they should do. Oh well... I'll never get bored if I'm continually asked strange questons and get to sit in the shop critiquing and talking to people while I attempt to get them what they need. Thursday was filled with many more interesting things, but I've talked too much already, so I'm going to sleep and get some work done tomorrow [Tomorrow being Saturday, since I'm writng this on friday, which I will have to describe, only because it was so wonderful]

Wednesday Night [Feb31]> Archeworks and Modernism

Today is only Wednesday but things just keep building on top of one another, this day was so full.
I had a 9am fashion critique, that went pretty well dispite the fact that I was running on 4 or so hours of sleep. I got some really positive feedback on my designs and then we got out of class 30 min early, which gave me time to sleep for about an hour before I had to get ready and leave at 5:30pm to go to class (we were meeting at a design project space outside of school) I am now going to be getting involved in a type of community action project that is being looked at from a design perspective,but I can get involved in that explanation right now, without explaining the 4-5 other major projects that i'm starting to work on, so I'll leave that for another day. right now
I've got to come up with 3-5pages on modernism and its place in the arts, which is due tomorrow at 1pm, so....

My Superbusy Two weeks [Sunday Feb 18- Tuesday Feb 27th]

The following section is another note to Jon. it was such a busy 2 weeks, and they just all ran together.

I won't bother telling you about the absolutely boring weekend I had, the only break in the boredom was saturday night for a couple of hours I got a chance to meet a few new people at a friends game night that she was throwing a few floors down, in her dorm room...I almost forgot and consequently, was an hour or so late, I was watching "Save The Last Dance" in french, I know I know its pathetic, but in my defence, I was trying to brush up on my language comprehension. Ohh, tomorrow night the TA I work with is supposed to be bringing me some Korean movies! I'm so super excited!
And today, I had an exciting class on gothic revival architecture pertaining to residential and churches, it went by much quicker than normal! yea! we got out rather early. I like the class but I'm slightly worried that I'm missing something, not sure what though. oh, well I'm sure I'll figure it out soon, I've got a test in 2 weeks.
I've been putting off my Drawings for fashion class all weekend and they are due wednesday so I sould start now, because I'm sure I'll have to do them more than once to get them right.
-----------------------------------------


Goodness Jon, the beginning of the week was so boring and the middle was so busy I could barely think and some of that seeped into my normally smooth and easy end of the week.
For one thing, don’t ever try to render fashion illustrations for 2-3 hour straight, the night before they are due, with Prismacolor markers loaded with alcohol based binders in them. I was up really late drawing and then rendering with markers, in a dorm room where ventilation is not exceptional, on top of the fact that all the lights are out except one and that particular track light is pointed away from my desk for some reason. The next day wasn’t too bad, I brought in the 6 fabric swatches that I went halfway across the city to get, and then we got to draw the patterns in the fabric and color them in with our markers and colored pencils. Then after we all got back from lunch we were showed some great illustrations tacked up on mat boards with the fabrics that they used and then told that we were going to do the exact same thing. 5 complete designs using our 6 fabrics, 3 swatches per outfit with all of the fabrics being used in the designs and then we were supposed to make our own board to display them on along with little pieces of fabric on the side, to show what we are using in the designs. I was a bit overwhelmed, but if I keep on track, I should be able to get it done before Wednesday.
Just to let you know, the end of the week wasn't super smooth, like I thought it would be. lets just say, I had two RA interviews and was waylaid in between and after both of them, partly my own fault, I must admit. plus I had to go in on a Sunday, and don't get me started on the fact that I should have been doing homework and instead I was stuck sitting next to a guy at school in the computer lab making sure he didn't have a breakdown finishing his project, that is due tomorrow at 9am.
Why is it I seem to get sucked into helping other people instead of just breaking away and getting my own stuff done? I guess its because I can't leave until I'm satisfied that they have everything under control, mentally as well as with the problem too. I don't know. It was a crazy day.

My Thursday Night [Feb 18, 2007]

So this is another note to my friend Jon, they are letting him fly home to visit sometime this spring/summer. I'm so excited! He's going to help me with a landscaping project when he gets home from Iraq, but that will be another year or two.

Yes, Tulsa... and June is a good time to be back because everyone will be getting back from college and all that for the summer (as will I) oooh, so I forgot to tell you about Thursday. I had to be at school early, for an interview (that RA job for next fall) it went really well, I think I'll probably get the job. Anyway, I run from there to my class at 1pm and sit through 3 hours of Modern art history (Modern, being the 1800's or so) it wasn't too bad, because most of it was architectural history, which I, of course enjoy quite a bit...
So after that I run home to eat and head over to the studio to say "Hi" to Margarite before I go to work, ahhh! Matt (the shop manager) left for the entire weekend on Wed. and I realized that I would be in the shop with this super annoying student, hopefully not alone, because I don't think he should be in charge of anything, much less a shop full of expensive and dangerous power tools, but... thank goodness Carol, the new Asst. Manager was filling in for Matt while he's gone. This didn't help the crazy looks that I got from Brian (the shop manager, during the day) while he was still in the shop, it was as if he stayed an hour after he got off work, just to ridicule me and my situation (being stuck with Patrick, he's not a bad kid or anything, just a little clueless)
It was pretty funny though, Brian walked by the counter, to his office and gave me one of those “haha, look at you!” looks because Patrick was sitting next to me playing on his computer. Well, I laughed out loud, and scared Patrick so much that he almost jumped out of his chair! Then I couldn’t stop laughing, I almost fell out of my own chair. He didn’t see Brian walk by so he had so idea what was going on, so I had to give some sort of explanation. I told him that Brian walked by and I just couldn’t help but laugh, I didn’t mention that it was because of him.
And then later I was rather amused that he “casually” asked what I’d done for Valentines day, I don’t know if he was disappointed or what when I said “I was in class”, the funnier thing was his next two questions… the first being, do you have a boyfriend? And when I replied “No” which sounded a bit more like “No, duh you dork” I’m sure this particular comment was accompanied by a ‘look’ and then he directly followed this up with “a girlfriend?” jeez, what was this 20 questions for Becca, night? This question was also given a resounding “No” and an even harder and slightly disgusted look, to which he replied, “Well, you have to ask. It is the Art Institute”
agh, stupid boys! (No offence) but… just because a girl isn’t dating a guy they automatically assume she must be gay or something. Not stopping to think that It might be a calculated choice, not to mention the fact that there’s not much to choose from at said school anyway…all the really cute ones are either gay or arrogant jerks and if they are acceptable, they are already taken, not that I care an exceptional amount. I’m pretty particular, with friends and otherwise.
Anyway, the night wasn’t all bad, Patrick was pretty quiet most of the evening, and I attempted to be nice and engage him in a semi-intellectual conversation it really wasn’t that deep, since it was about a magazine article describing how a guy is using a CNC (computer aided cutter) machine to create specific shaped cuts in MDF for interior design purposes, but you know. I didn’t see Carol too much in the shop either, because I don’t think she wanted to deal with Patrick anymore than she had to. It was funny because as we were leaving, (Patrick had already bolted out the door) she asked me if it was too bad, I told her it really wasn’t, and it was probably a good thing that I was scheduled to work with him, just because he can try the nerves of even the most patient person and I don’t take any of his crap. Well this is getting long, so I’ll let you go.

Dialogue about writing and such [Febuary 16th 2007]

My friend Jon is in Iraq and he and I are writing back and forth, mostly about my random college experiances and a few things about this military business. I wrote an incredibly long email to him describing my entire week and it was so funny whe he wrote me back. The email started with one of his overly sarcastic comments..."well, aren't we the budding novelist" I don't even remember how hard i was laughing at that but it was funny, I told him that I was planning on writing at least one book in my lifetime and I was testing my writing skills out on him. anyway here's what I wrote back to him when he told me he'd critique my writing.

Jon: "Well I don’t know If I'm the person to ask about critiquing writing, i cant even spell right any more after almost two years in the army. But u seem to have a good sense of imagery."

I think opinions on my writing are good from writing, I like to get a diverse set of opinions from every type of reader, I don't want to be that writer that writes for a specific demographic and no one else can relate to it, thats not my style. so rag all you want, I love feedback good or bad!
Oooh I'm so excited to hang out and introduce you to everyone when you get back! you've got to come hang out with my family too, its a requirementfor all my friends -haha. we are so insane(my family that is) this Christmas was soo great! my friend Garis came over on Christmas because he lives with a bunch of guys and couldn't go home for the holidays, and we had so much fun, my little brothers friend came over too! we had a blast, making pancakes, milk toast for breakfast, playing games and just generally messing around, i love it.

Jon: "i know im not the most pleasant person to be around at times and i can be some what negative but im very honest and loyal. id like to be around people who have the same integrity. Plus i want to be around people who will challenge me to be better. Know what I mean? "

I understand about the negativity factor, since I can come off that way sometimes, I'm such the morbid realist, its sad, I know...I'm working on being a bit nicer and less harsh, I suppose. Oh, man I'm so tired, I just got back from touring an amazing piece of Architectural History (namely the home/studio of Frank Lloyd Wright, the famous architect) my friend Margarite and I left around 10:30am today and we didn't get back downtown (where our dorms are) until 4pm it was insane & really cold! but I think I got some decent pictures of some of the houses he designed in the surrounding neighborhood and if I ever get them developed I'll be sure and post them so you can check them out. I'll have to tell you about work last night and my adventures today a bit later, I'm about to fall over from sheer exhaustion, so I'm going to sleep, we'll talk later
Rebecca

Previous days

I haven't 'offically' blogged in a while, but i've been recording my days in letters to a friend so... I thought I'd just edit them a bit and post them with the roundabout dates they occured.

Dec. 6-7 2006 [Freak Out!!!]

Near Heart attack !!

Ok, it is 12:39 and for the last half hour I..ve been freaking out. ..Why you ask?..
Well, I was sitting in the studio working on a floor plan that should have been completed 3 days ago, when the night security guard at the school popped her head in the door as I was about to get up and get some M&M..s from the overpriced sugar filled vending machine. The security guard asked if I was staying past 12:00pm and when I said ..probably, yes.. She replied ..then you..ll meet me at the desk to check in?..
..Yeah.. I said. And as I was looking for my school Id to check in at the desk, a sinking feeling swept through me as I realized that I had no earthly idea where it was. my thoughts raced, and my blood started pumping harder, I was unsure. That little envelope of plastic held not only my student Id, but my Drivers license, my bankcard, and a jewel discount card (which is insignificant, in comparison, but nevertheless a loss ) After searching through all of my books, bags and papers strewn about the table and searching the bathroom and walking down the hall, I went to the security desk and after seeing the long line of students waiting to check in for overnight access, I decided to let all of them get their security passes and then talk to the security guard about it. While this was going on, I told Margarite about it as we stood in the hall waiting, and the when the line dwindled down to one or two, I went over to the desk. When I got to the desk I asked if anyone had turned in my Id, because I..d lost it and after the security guard asked if I..d searched my things and I told her I had, several times, she said that she..d be on the look out for it and also ask housekeeping if they..d seen it , etc.. So I walked dejectedly back to the studio to tell Margarite and have her look out for it, she then told Sally and Ricky to look for it.. and I went back to my stuff to search, because there was no way I could work. I walked up and down the halls, searched my locker, the bathroom, again. And then I went and finally got my M&M..s, because I can..t think/work without food of some sort, be it sugar filled or no. After I did this I, searched the lounge area, because I..d been there earlier, and checked with the security guard on my way back to the studio. Upon my return to the studio I began searching my belongings again, taking everything out of my bags, and shaking open my books, when I sat down to look through my coat pockets and my hoodie, again I realized that there were two pockets I didn..t check! The two that were attached to my shirt, which was exactly where my Id was, right up against me, the entire time. What a dork I am! I suppose it might have something to do with the fact that I didn..t sleep longer than 4-5 hours the night before, and had to get up earlier than normal too. It just goes to show how insane and absentminded one can become, when one is sleep deprived and overwhelmed with work. Oh, and did I mention that I had to tell Margarite that I found it & where, and if that wasn't bad enough, I also had to inform the security guard what happened. Oh so embarrassing. I felt so sheepish. ahh, what am I going to do? I really need to go home, go to Nordaggios or Double Shot and stay there! I need good coffee, good music, good friends and amazing atmospheres.

November 18th 2006[ At Clarke's in Boystown Chicago]

At Clarke's in Boystown Chicago

Clarke's Diner In Chicago is seemingly "the" place to go on a Saturday night, especially when it is 12:45am when you get there.
Last Saturday all the girls [meaning Bora, me, Erin and her Roommate Desiree] on the 10th floor in the Chicago Building were in Erin..s room talking about how bored we were. So while we were complaining someone mentioned Clarke's and a previous excursion there, and another night when the other three went out and ended up in this crazy diner in the middle of nowhere Chicago, in some super sketchy neighborhood with a waitress and a cook, both with no teeth whatsoever. I know! I asked too. "What?! Are you kidding me" and no they weren't. After laughing so hard I slid to the ground I composed myself and suggested we just get up, get dressed, and go. So we did. I called my friend Margarite, and Desiree called some people and we went to the other building to pick them up.
Erin, Bora and I were standing on the sidewalk, and while we were waiting for Margarite some random guy started staring at Bora, who was bent over fixing her shoe, Erin and I gave each other this look that said "What in the world does he think he's doing?" and then when she stood up she looked at us with the same look that Erin and I gave each other. Then the guy moved closer, and all of us were just in awe I suppose. He asked Bora what her name was and she asked "why?"
he said something like "Because I'm an outgoing guy...Blah blah blah."
And she had to tell him. And I knew that I was next..
I wasn't wrong..
His line for me was "Do I know you from somewhere?" How Corny is that
"Not likely" I said.
He paused and gave me this expecting look, so I had to say "I'm Rebecca."
Augh. I hate having to give my name to people who are so obviously crude and trying too hard to pick you up or something.
Erin was next, and she took it much better, she just laughed a little, gave her name and let him talk. I don't remember what he said next but finally he went away, and we just laughed and wondered why he would just randomly come up and say those things, most of which were directed at Bora.
Margarite walked out the door soon after, and we got Desiree and her three friends and all eight of us headed down the steps to the red line [the Subway] and stood waiting for a train to take us to Clarke's.. Needless to say it was a fun evening, filled with gold glitter daisy dukes seen from across the street, annoyingly unhelpful waitresses, and a division of our group with no hope of reconciliation. (I.e. the aforementioned waitress wouldn..t put tables together so we could eat together, so we had to split up, and no one but Margarite got to converse with anyone new.) The evening did include a number of funny stories, good food and cool people, ..did I mention that the gold boots came back?.. well they did and they were accompanied by a very short skirt on a freezing Chicago evening, and when I mentioned how idiotic the girl was for wearing them, I was informed by Erin [who hails from New York] that that was no girl.. needless to say, my mouth dropped open, and I had to laugh a little, while we ran across the street to the train station, trying to avoid getting run over by taxi's coming from both directions, I came with two girls from New York who don..t believe in waiting for traffic lights. Clarke's was an adventure with events too numerous to mention and too crazy to explain here, so..Ask me in person and I'll try to elaborate.